Summer looks. Enlarge for details

Disclaimer: This month's column is, in some respects, an anti-column. I'm going to talk about clothes that you shouldn't be wearing. For the avoidance of doubt, the clothes pictured are alternatives. Clothes that you should wear. Nice clothes. Not naughty clothes.

The inspiration for this somewhat contrary approach is a childish game that my friend and I play when we find ourselves with a spare hour in a shopping area. The rules of the game are: you enter a not-very-good clothes store and have one minute in which to run off and find a naughty – there's that term again – item of clothing for your opponent. You then reconvene at the changing rooms and try on the piece that has been selected for you. The winner is the person who has found the naughtiest item – ie the person who ends up looking the worst is the loser. It's fun, but I should warn you that security personnel get wary quite quickly when they see a pair of goons running around the shop floor giggling. And not buying anything.

In broad terms, naughty just means bad. Bad meaning bad. I saw a classic example this weekend – a white blazer (already pretty naughty) with graffiti-style writing on the back (very, very naughty). The first atrocity I want you all to avoid is the elasticated trouser cuff. These are everywhere at the moment, when they should be nowhere. They look like incontinence trousers. The naughtiest incarnation of these is, of course, the elasticated cuff and drop-crotch combo. They really do give the impression that you've got exploding bowels. If you own some, do yourself a favour and bin them. Don't even give them to charity. If you crave a super-slim fit around your ankle, get some tapered chinos from Dockers (pictured). Or do that sort of origami turn-up that narrows the opening.

Next in the firing line is the epaulette. It's very easy to work out whether you should be wearing a shirt with epaulettes. Are you in the armed forces? Yes, then carry on. No, then take the offending garment off immediately. Again, if you want to wear a short-sleeved shirt, there are plenty of nice non-military examples. So buy one of them.

The final no-no is any fluorescent garment. Even if you have a mahogany tan, you will still look like a berk in a neon-green polo shirt. Leave the fluoro nonsense to Staedtler. That said, a hint of naughtiness can, very occasionally, work. The yellow stripe on that polo shirt (pictured)? It's naughty, but I like it. The risk pays off.

Other items that are clearly off-limits are: waistcoats without jackets; shirts with integrated hoods; anything sleeveless. All of them have previously won the game. So behave yourselves, you naughty boys.

Email Rick at rick.edwards@observer.co.uk or visit guardian.co.uk/profile/rick-edwards for all his articles in one place

In pictures: this summer's blockbuster haircuts

Forget action scenes, this summer the blockbuster is all about the barnet. Foronce, David Beckham is not heading upthe topiary charge. Instead, Hollywood's leading men are providing some much needed hairdo direction. Get yourself down to the barbershop sharpish for one of the following, says Simon Chilvers

Best foot forward: time for a pedicure. Photograph: Eamonn Mccabe for the Observer

In the olden days, they'd cut the dry skin off a woman's heel in order to count the rings and work out her age. We've come a long way since then, those days when we had to walk 20 miles to school every morning over ice, glass and blades, and then when we got there we were only allowed in if we wore ear plugs because the lessons were deemed too "incendiary" for female ears. Yeah. But our feet – still they are tough. Butter London has launched a new pedicure collection of products that do disgusting things quite beautifully – like the Rock Off Glycolic Callus Peel (25, butterlondon.com), which dissolves hard skin off your heels, and the Mucky Pups Foot Wipes (13) for when "your dogs are barking". Summer has been promised to us. So start pumicing today.

Alternatively…

Dirty Works Pedicure Set 9.99, sainsburys.com
Cowshed Hand and Foot Treatment 38, cowshedonline.com
Tweezerman Nail Rescue Kit 22, asos.com

Sibling, one of the designers receiving special backing by the British Fashion Council Photograph: BFC

Forget the Olympics, Guardian fashion has its own countdown clock right now. It's now only 24 days to go until the first ever menswear catwalk season in London which runs 15 to 17 June. Our excitement was stoked by the announcement on Monday evening of the six young labels who will receive mentoring and support from NEWGEN MEN – a Topman backed initiative - to showcase their collections at the coming three-day event. This season Lou Dalton and Sibling won the catwalk sponsorship; the former is known for her refined tailoring while the latter is known for their bonkers but brilliant knits – or as the British Fashion Council would have it "progressive knitwear". Christopher Raeburn, Martine Rose and Matthew Miller won the presentation sponsorship, while jewellery label Bunney won the installation cash and support. They're a diverse bunch and we'll be bringing you all the news from London Collections: Men as and when.

• Jonathan Saunders, Topman and Margaret Howell confirmed for first 'men's London fashion week'

Versace unveil gothic shoot for autumn/winter 2012 collection

After a summer of pastels, will we be ready for something a little darker come autumn? Versace certainly think so. Their women's A/W 2012 collection, unveiled in Milan earlier this year, saw gothic brocade usurp the trend for lighter colours which dominated summer collections. While the men's collection had flashes of colour, the seriousness of military tailoring was still present. Calling the collection 'bold, strong, iconic', Donatella Versace claimed that the Byzantine crosses used in the collection were in reference to her late brother, Gianni, who used them in previous designs

Face facts: work in with gusto to make your skin look brighter

If cleanliness is next to godliness, then exfoliation is standing right above them both, beaming. Facial scrubs get you cleaner than you thought possible – used regularly, they make your skin feel amazingly smooth. Rather than the big sugary grains you get in a body scrub, for the face you want a fine speckle that you can work into the annoying bits by your nostrils with gusto. Try Origins Never A Dull Moment scrub (24, origins.co.uk) to make you look a little bit brighter, and Proactiv's new Solution Cleansing Bar on your back (9.99, proactiv.co.uk). It will feel ever so soft.

Alternatively

Sisley Buff and Wash 65, harrods.com
Bior Pore Unclogging Scrub 4.99, sainsburys.co.uk
Ole Henriksen Walnut Complexion Scrub 26, 020 7351 3873
Declor Double Radiance Scrub 23.40, feelunique.com